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Almost that time.........?

I have struggled with depression and anxiety all my life but never got treated.I started using prescription meds.to numb my sadness&pain,mostly hydrocodone,needless to say i became addicted.I went to a rehab where they diognosed me with severe anxiety,then started going to a therapist 2times a month.Anyway that was three yrs.ago &i have been sober since.Recently my dr.that i've seen for 3yrs.moved away &i have a new Dr.My first visit with her,she put me on wellbutrin,which i do good with,but she took me off my klonipin,which i took for my anxiety.She said that because i had abused drugs in the past,she would never give me any kind of narcotic.For the last month,i constantly think about stuff that has happened in my past& stuff like what if this person dies &feeling like i have cancer or something terrible is wrong with me.I do this to the point that i smother&get really moody.I go to the bathroom to pee,&i start picking at my legs.Like i get these small skin colored bumps alot,&i pick at them until they bleed.sometimes i'll stay in there for an hour,picking&thinking.It has gotten to where i am leaving scars from squeezing bumps.I don't know why i do this or why i can't stop.What do i do?



My Doctor took me off my nerve medication,which i took for anxiety,is this problem caused by anxiety?

i'm 17. I'm happy and outgoing when hanging out with friends, but when i'm not doing anything i get this fear.... i feel scared and lonely and i feel like i have to find someone to be around because i can't be alone. I'll get my dad to sit with me and watch a movie and sometimes i'll start crying and tell him i feel really scared and sad, but i really don't have a reason to feel that way. I constantly feel restless like I should be doing something, but there isn't anything for me to do but sit. I have multiple other issues such as i'm pretty sure im gay, i smoke pot and take meds not prescribed to me, sometimes do ecstasy, bulimia for 3 years straight and 3 attempts of suicide, I've been sent to mental facilities twice, but that didn't help with anything, just added aggravation. I haven't told anyone about my eating disorder, but my dad suspects it since i look way skinny this year and he makes comments about it, but i don't want him to find out because it's such a gross and wasteful habit. I am prescribed wellbutrin and risperdal but i stopped taking them a while back due to them not working. I think i got diagnosed depressive bipolar or something, but i really am not sure this is accurate. I have such a variety of issues so i'm not sure what the cause is. My dad really does love me and treats me well, and i have a lot of good friends so WHAT is wrong with me. Why am i so scared and lonely when in reality im not alone at all?



what is wrong with me?

I'm just going to try and make this short. Two month ago I was under a lot of stress. I had a panic attack and I felt my emotions shutdown. Everything felt different. A major depression hit me and the doctors put me on a antipsychotic and a mood stabilizer. They didn't know what was wrong with me. I had a very bad allergic reaction to one of them and had to stop few weeks past I told myself I was going to beat this on my own without med's. Started to change my look from negative to positive. Felt better but still I was scared and panic about the numbness. Doctor then gave me Wellbutrin and Lexapro. Very big mistake had a very bad reaction. Two panic attack hit me a day. now I alway had panic attack in the past nothing every like this. I started to feel unreal, then the feeling of not nothing who I was and then all these crazy fears and thoughts took over. Been like that since. Been having headache, very bad ones like stabbing pain and pressure everyday for the past two months. just stop taking a Benzo a week ago was helping but it I didn't want to get hooked like my aunt, I seen what they can do to the body after years of taking them. But I felt Withdrawals I threw up for no reason and now I see spot when I go outside or looking at my computer screen. That scare me. But it all come down to the DP. I trying to stay positive and not treat it as a illness. But it makes you believe in insane stuff. and really tears you down inside. I need to see a doctor, never got these problem check out. I know I had a hormone problem when I was a young kid, maybe I should check that out?



Depersonalization and health issues?

I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 months and we are getting pretty serious. He is amazing and I love him and everything about him except that he has issues with depression. He takes Wellbutrin to treat it but, I'm worried that it is doing more harm than good. He doesn't sleep well at night and especially so when I spend the night with him. Another huge issue is that he can't maintain an erection and when he does get hard it's never fully hard. In the beginning of our relationship he told me it was because his doctor just changed his dosage and that he would be used to it soon. Now after 7 months I think it's worse. We haven't had sex in about a month. I don't understand why this is happening or why he wont talk to his doctor. He told me he talked to his doctor but, then I soon found out he didn't. I know it's embarrassing but, what can I do now? The last time I asked him about it he got upset and said he was tired of it being an issue. Then why wont he talk to his doctor? Any advise is appreciated.



My boyfriend can't keep an erection?

Mid December I was under a lot of stress. I was depressed, then something hit me I felt all my emotion shut down.i just thought it was a panic attack. So I waited a week still no change. Then I look up online what could cause that That when I first came across DP/DR. That scared the hell out of me. I was so Depressed, bad headache, couldn't sleep, felt crazy. Called up my local counseling center, they set me up with a crisis counselor. She told me that depression was causing the numbness. Since I have no health insurance it been hard for me to see a doctor. So they set me up for free counseling and sent me to the hospital. That was hell, they gave med's that cause me to break out and couldn't breath. Got out with still the same problem but felt better. could focus better, some old thought pattern were coming back. But the numbness really was taking its toll. a few week later I went back to the CCenter, talk to a doctor he gave me Wellbutrin. Then all hell broke free. I could feel for a split second some emotion, but then the panic attack would hit me hard two a day, then everything seem dream like. I was terrified.I couldn't focus, couldnt even watch TV anymore thoughts were all over the place. thought were I had DP, My life is over I felt dead no emotion with this dream state all the time. This all started a week ago the dream state. Now I have a history of anxiety and depression but never where I couldn't function. Going back this week to see my counselor to tell her what going on. I feel so crazy right now. If I do have DP/Dr could it just be an episode, under my Major depression and stress. It just been a month and all the dream like stuff has been a week so far. I heard it takes three month before they label you as having depersonalization disorder. I don't know I feel like an stranger in the mirror. I'm praying that if I found the right meds and get the depression treated and feel my emotion again this will all pass and it was all my nerves and my obsessive thinking I have DP/Dr.No longer on wellbutrin, been a week.



Need to know about depersonalization.?

A month ago, I went into some mode, where my emotion's felt immobilized. I couldn't feel happy, sad, mad, love anything, but fear and anxiety. I thought it was me just having a panic attack and would past in a week. I suffer from depression and social anxiety from a young age, but I never treated it. A week came and went bye, still nothing. So I started to get real scared I check out my symptoms online and I came across Depersonalisation and Derealisation disorder. That really scared me I felt like numb and like a robot so I most have it. They even had a movie about it called Numb!! So I check out the movie and That really did it number to me. It made me think that I will never get over this and be stuck in this forever and I do suffer from one of those disorder. I felt helpless Then a wave of depression symptoms hit me. I didn't know what to do, so I called my local counseling center, they set me up with a crisis center counselor. I went in and told her about my problem she told me it just depression and I need help right away,so they sent me to a mental hospital, where she told me I get good treatment, a good psychiatrist and I would have counseling ever day. Non of that was true!!!!!! It was just take your pills and color all day or sleep. the psychiatrist would be put me down and call me a nutcase because the medication he was giving me was giving really bad side effects. I just felt hopeless, I just cried. those there was three people in my age group and by interacting with them I felt a little better. So I thought I need a life change. Will that been going real bad. So I finally found a good counselor when I got out, and went back at the counseling center for my social anxiety, but I just can't shake this feeling of a numb state. Doctor told me this is the first time I hit a Major depression, but I don't know if I can believe them. I just started taking Wellbutrin , but it has made me feel more like a zombie and increase my panic attacks and making me feel even more spaced out and unreal. I am really scared and can't think straight and don't know if I should still take it. Thanks for reading this.



Am I suffering from Depersonalisation or just depression?

I've noticed that, for the most part, I hardly ever have any motivation or energy to do anything. This has been going on for maybe 2 years now. I tried antidepressant medication like lexapro and wellbutrin, and weaned off from them summer of 09. Since then I've been treating this condition with 5 htp and occassionally will use tyrosine, which doesn't really have much of an effect. I exercise every day, and am a full time student. I am always zoning in and out during class, and even when I try my hardest I just can't grasp what i'm being taught, and can't really think. I just want to know if there is anything greater that I could be doing. I eat very well, exercise every day, and atleast try to study and read alot, but always feel run down, and my brain is almost non-functional. I just don't get riled up or excited about anything, and will only do things when forced against a wall, and I am always forgetting things. Im only 19 and I already feel like i'm getting old, and it sucks. please help.



why don't I have any motivation or energy?

I've noticed that, for the most part, I hardly ever have any motivation or energy to do anything. This has been going on for maybe 2 years now. I tried antidepressant medication like lexapro and wellbutrin, and weaned off from them summer of 09. Since then I've been treating this condition with 5 htp and occassionally will use tyrosine, which doesn't really have much of an effect. I exercise every day, and am a full time student. I am always zoning in and out during class, and even when I try my hardest I just can't grasp what i'm being taught, and can't really think. I just want to know if there is anything greater that I could be doing. I eat very well, exercise every day, and atleast try to study and read alot, but always feel run down, and my brain is almost non-functional. I just don't get riled up or excited about anything, and will only do things when forced against a wall, and I am always forgetting things. Im only 19 and I already feel like i'm getting old, and it sucks. please help.



Why don't I have any motivation or energy?

Here is some background...I'm currently a 15 year old male, I will be 16 this Feb 2nd 2010.I am Caucasian, my nationality is Calabrese (Southern Italian of Reggio di Calabria)I have wavy dark hair, people mistake it as black when it is really dark brown. Kinda course texture, so i use a leave-in conditioner to leave it nice and smooth.I have brown eyesolive colored skin slightly fair skin in the winter, and more tan/olive in the summer.Plain and simple I'm an Italian, Guido etc. whatever!I used to be thinner but between the ages of 12-15 I have gained weight alot so I went from 100 pounds to now 180I'm not thrilled about my weight, I want to lose like 40-50 pounds, get ride of my love handles, my butt and thighs, belly more flat etc.I'm ashamed to take my shirt off when Im at the beach.I'd like to improve my muscle tone, but I'm happy with what I have. although I do have some stretch marks on my upper arms what can you do about those oh well, you cant see them when im wearing a shirt.I have a height of approx. 5 feet and 3 inches, or 63.6 inches.I want to be taller, my best friend who is like a little brother to me (13 yrs. turning 14 in March) is almost my height, he used to be shorter than me last year, he is growing like a weed, then again he is much thinner than i am. This is embarrassing and I don't want him to pas me up.Here are some steps that I have taken to help me lose weight;-drink more water-drink water w/ fiber supplement before going to bed-fat burning pills and carbohydrate burning pills in the morning to help control cravings and appetite.-I try to eat less or no desserts-sit up straight in-stead of hunch.-instead of drinking soda i drink more orange juice/ cranberry juice/water and sometimes diet soda.-before winter i rode my bike and/or walked for at least 3 miles around my neighborhood after school.-i don't do sports b/c i work and i have lost interest-the only sports i used to do is competitive swimmingHere is an important question...does exercise/weight loss help you to grow?I don't think I have had much of a growth spurt at all.So please give me some tips to improve my weight and heightAlso another important detail, not only is it difficult for me to lose weight b/c of my appetite which im trying to limit, I take prescribed medications by my doctor and psychiatrist for my newly formed depression which i have been suffering with for a year now. I have been on medications such as Lexapro & Seroquil which made me gain excessive weight from June 2009-present up to 50 pounds and I have told my doctor Im un-satisfied with the meds b/c of weight gain and they simply don't help me, so now I'm on Wellbutrin.This is a very personal and touchy subject please treat this with respect and sensitivity.



I need help improving my weight and height and physical appearance.?

I've been with a guy for about 6 years now. He's always been a little strange, he's very artistic, and very into space and other planets and consipracy theories and what not. He gets angry at the government because he's always broke and he hates doctors because he thinks they just prescribe meds to slowly kill people off. When we have alone time together, which is rare because I work days and he works nights, it's very nice and relaxing. He will make me something to eat, fix me a drink, and cuddle with me all night. But the other times he is a raging mean asshole. I work a stressful job and with his attitude i've become clinically depressed. The medication I was on caused me to gain weight, which I always hear about how i'm "not like I was 5 years ago" he also tells me he "can;t care about me because I let the doctors do this to me and I should go slit their throats for trying to kill me with meds" He gets mad at me for not getting mad at them. He never says he loves me and always says he will eventually "leave this place". Yesterday was supposed to be our day together. We made plans to meet at 7 and work on some projects for Christmas. I called at 6 and he said he was busy with his dad but to come by at 7 or 8. So I gave him the extra hour and called at 8 to say i was on my way, he didnt answer so i just went over. I'm always told to call before I come in, I dunno why, so I called when I got there and got no answer. I sat in my car for almost an hour before calling his friend who was with him. I went inside, and he was still working on a project with his dad and friend. He didn't even hug me or say hello, just acknowledged I was there by nodding. I was upset cuz he didn't answer the phone and he wasnt done with his project when he promised it was our time together. I went in the basement and started to cry, he followed me and became furious and said i drag him down and he's doing what he loves to do and that its more important than the crap we were supposed to be working on. He told me to go home, I refused and said I had called several times to make sure we still had plans and he didnt answer. Now mind you I live about a half hour away and the roads were icy. I cried more and asked to used his computer to work on a website while he finished his stuff. He said i wasn't allowed on his computer and told me to "get the fuck out of my house bitch". Needless to say the night was horrible and I stayed in the basement after he finally set up a new account on his computer so I could play a game. He brought me some wine and told me to calm down and he'd work with me when he was finished. Well 4 hours went by and he never finished. I got very drunk and sick cuz the meds i'm on mixed with the drugs. I was in a daze and he yelled at me more and told me he would "kick me out" if i ruined his night which he was enjoying cuz he "didn't have to be around me" He didn't even want to help me up and to a couch where I could lay down for a few. He just started babbling about how he thinks im psycho for being on meds, and that when he kisses me it means nothing, and other stuff that was mean. Eventually we watched a movie with his friends and when I was sober enough and feeling like I wasn't gonna puke, I went home. He walked me to my car and kissed me twice and hugged me and told me to be safe. I guess i'm confused, I think the way he treats me is horrible but I really enjoy the good times. I don't know what his problem is, sometimes I think it's just a bad day, but he shouldn't treat me like that. Sometimes I think it's me though, he always blames me, and the meds i'm on make me feel sick a lot, i've tried them all and none worked. They just made me fatter, and now the Wellbutrin makes me crazy and I have to stop that. I just want to know what is wrong with him, does he have a personality disorder or am I just being annoying? I love him a lot and don't want to have to try and find love all over again, but I question if he loves me. How can he treat me horrible all night then kiss me and hug me before I leave. My friend says he has control issues, if he does how can I fix that? I'm rambling now, I just need some advice on how to handle the situation.