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I have ceased to exist - everything inside me is gone. I can't even care because I'm not here to. Advice?

Want to hear some honest opinions please. This regarding a personal friend of mine and I want to hear some personal experiences or your thoughts or opinions pls. Thanks!STORY - The girl has chronic pain and takes lots of narcotics a month, Norco and Dilaudid routinely, but has done this for 15+ years. She does not display any type of drug seeking behavior or being an addict, but is dependent on these drugs to function. She keeps her appt every month and takes her medicine as prescribed. She has depressive disorder that set in upon her diagnosis of chronic disease/pain which she is prescribed Wellbutrin SR for X3 yrs now. Now, she has always displayed symptoms of ADHD but recently she has been complaining of "feeling like she is driven by a motor and insomnia". Now I feel like she has had ADHD all of her life and is just now being diagnosed with it. She is 30 yrs old. First her MD started on Straterra, 2 weeks go by and no change. Then onto Concerta, (Ritalin ER type drug) this worked well during the day but she suffered from severe abdominal pain. Then she was changed to Daytrana, (pretty much Ritalin in a patch) but had no effects from this. At this point - her MD went to a medication called "Intuiv" which made her feel lousy but it looks like it is used for ADHD. Now she is started on a medicine called Symbyax. This is really strange for me to understand since it's not used for ADHD at all. She definitely has a diagnosis of adult ADHD medically documented so why isn't her doctor prescribing her the medications that is typically used for adult ADHD?? If the Concerta worked, why wouldn't her doctor prescribe her a short-acting Ritalin or Adderral or Vyvanse?? I guess I'm confused and really wanting to know if she is being penalized for her narcotic use and if you feel this is hindering the MD's decision to adequately treat her?? She is not allowed to go see another doctor for her ADHD because she is under a narcotic contract with her MD and seeing another doctor is prohibited - she has already asked....so is she stuck?? She likes her doctor and doesn't want to change so this isn't an option. She has random drug screens and has always been in compliance with her medication regimen. She has 3 children and works hard. So what's the deal?? Do you think her MD will eventually prescribe her something that is actually used for adult ADHD, which is also a stimulant or a controlled drug, or do you think he'll continue to prescribe all the anti-depressants until she decides to stop seeking treatment?? He must not be concerned with prescribing controlled drugs because he is the one who prescribes her narcotics every month.....Please no rude answers - my friend really needs help/advice and I'm running out of excuses for her doctor! Thanks in advance!Sorry so long, but no other choice!My friend comes to me after each appt. I am a nurse practioner and I know what I would do if I were her caregiver. But we both decided that it would be best to have her see someone else. To not support her when she is upset would be not being her best friend. I simply wanted other's personal experiences pls. Thx.



ADHD and different medicines...?

I have been having suicidal thoughts off and on ever since I was 13 years old (I'm 35 now). It's not a constant thing -- I'd say I usually average about 1-2 times/week of thinking about it. Some weeks I think about it several times a day, other times I don't think about it at all for a couple of weeks. I just think about it when I get stressed and sometimes the feeling is very intense. Part of it is that I really hate my job. Today, I went back to work from vacation and I was so stressed over it because things are really busy right now and I work for a major jerk. Well, this morning, when I woke up, I was dreading work so much that I was feeling super suicidal. We keep a handgun in our bedroom and I looked for it, but couldn't find it (my husband had brought it with us when we went out of town on vacation and I didn't know where he put it). I was going to go out in the backyard (we live in the country) and shoot myself. I tried to wake up my husband because I thought I'd feel better if he gave me a hug, but he pushed me away because he was sleeping. I looked for the gun again, but couldn't find it, and didn't ask my husband because I thought he would think it was odd that I was asking him this at 5:30 a.m. I didn't know what to do, so I reviewed some suicide help websites and just decided to go ahead and go to work. Well, my husband is out of town tonight. I asked him where he kept the gun and he told me that it is hidden in the trunk of my car, so I actually have it here with me. I'm worried that I may do something if the slightest thing sets me off. Like what if I get a really upsetting email that stresses me out? I"m at my wits end. I called a psychiatrist to make an appointment this morning, but she hasn't called me back. I need to be on Wellbutrin or something. And the worst part is that I have to work tonight because I work for slavedrivers. Sorry this is so long. Thank you to anyone who read all of this who might have advice for me.Oh also, for anyone who suggests that I quit my job, I make really good money at it and it would be very difficult to find a job that pays even close to what I make, or for that matter, any job in my field as there is very little available. My husband is unemployed right now as he hasn't been able to find a job in our area in his chosen field.



What to do about suicidal thoughts?

I'm on an anti depressant and not supposed to drink alcohol. (wellbutrin is the med) so how do I goout and party with my friends without telling them I am on this medication?a little alcohol may be ok, i have to test it out first...what can I do?-should I order a drink then go to the bathroom and fill it with water?-sip it very slowlyany other ideas to look like your drinking but not?



going out to a bar to not drink?

For the last five years my family has been in turmoil. My once very honest son became a teenager and he changed dramatically. At about 13, I began to notice that he was withdrawn and moody and never wanted to go out and do anything with his family as he once did. He preferred to stay in his dark room and watch movies or play video games. Then came the lieing. Then came the defiance. By the time he was 16 he was taking our cars without permission, lieing to us and stealing from us. We began family therapy and we took parenting classes. We learned how to deal with him a little but not much. Finally, at age 17, he stole our atm card and took about 500.00 from our account at different transactions. He told us that he was in trouble with his own over drawn bank account, and that he was going to pay us back. (of course, he never has). At that point, we kicked him out of the house. That lasted about one week and our hearts were broken. We made arrangements to talk to him and he agreed to see a psychiatrist. At 18 he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He was put on Lithium, and cymbiax? and he was a pleasure to be with but, one evening, he went out on a crazy manic mode, crashed our truck, and totaled it. He hurt the other people in the accident and it was completely his own fault. We agreed that the medication may have impacted his ability to drive and he stopped the medication. He of course does not want to have this disorder or take medications. He has continued to steal from us. Most recently he took one of our checks, and forged my name to get himself a petty 17.00. He cant hold a job. There is something that always happens at work and he either quits or gets fired. We have paid for him to go to college three times now, and every time he has quit and has lied that he has not quit. I finally looked into his personal college account and saw that he never completed his courses. He has sat in front of us and has lied that he is still going to college, that things are going good for him in school. He takes off on his supposed school days and acts like he is going to college when I know he is not. I finally followed him one day, caught him, and he lied out of it saying that he saw me following him, he got very mad at me, and because of that, he was not going to go to college. Time and time again, he runs away from the home and goes back to stay with some old friends. At this point, he is basically a bum. He does not work, (he says that he just cant find work) and he does not go to school either. He is now 20 years old! As I write this, he has once again left home and is with his friends. I have never seen any signs of drugs or alcohol on him. And to make things worse, his girlfriend just dumped him.So, this is our story. We love him with all of our hearts. We believe in unconditional love, but truthfully, his life and everything he touches is chaos. We are exhausted!! When he is in his good mood, he is the most loving, and genuine person that I know. He is sometimes my bestfriend, but usually my worse enemy. He is back on meds( wellbutrin and depoke), but I have not noticed a change this time.Our family is in utter distress! We are so broken hearted. My husband and I are so depressed and our 14 year old daughter has sort of been forgotten because the whole house resolves around him.Please help give us some guidance. What do we do??ThanksThank you all for your responses. He is presently staying at friends house yet again. He does not know that I know he has not been going to college. That last I emailed him was telling him to stay where he is at, and to get a job.



Can our family be happy again?

For the last five years my family has been in turmoil. My once very honest son became a teenager and he changed dramatically. At about 13, I began to notice that he was withdrawn and moody and never wanted to go out and do anything with his family as he once did. He preferred to stay in his dark room and watch movies or play video games. Then came the lieing. Then came the defiance. By the time he was 16 he was taking our cars without permission, lieing to us and stealing from us. We began family therapy and we took parenting classes. We learned how to deal with him a little but not much. Finally, at age 17, he stole our atm card and took about 500.00 from our account at different transactions. He told us that he was in trouble with his own over drawn bank account, and that he was going to pay us back. (of course, he never has). At that point, we kicked him out of the house. That lasted about one week and our hearts were broken. We made arrangements to talk to him and he agreed to see a psychiatrist. At 18 he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He was put on Lithium, and cymbiax? and he was a pleasure to be with but, one evening, he went out on a crazy manic mode, crashed our truck, and totaled it. He hurt the other people in the accident and it was completely his own fault. We agreed that the medication may have impacted his ability to drive and he stopped the medication. He of course does not want to have this disorder or take medications. He has continued to steal from us. Most recently he took one of our checks, and forged my name to get himself a petty 17.00. He cant hold a job. There is something that always happens at work and he either quits or gets fired. We have paid for him to go to college three times now, and every time he has quit and has lied that he has not quit. I finally looked into his personal college account and saw that he never completed his courses. He has sat in front of us and has lied that he is still going to college, that things are going good for him in school. He takes off on his supposed school days and acts like he is going to college when I know he is not. I finally followed him one day, caught him, and he lied out of it saying that he saw me following him, he got very mad at me, and because of that, he was not going to go to college. Time and time again, he runs away from the home and goes back to stay with some old friends. At this point, he is basically a bum. He does not work, (he says that he just cant find work) and he does not go to school either. He is now 20 years old! As I write this, he has once again left home and is with his friends. I have never seen any signs of drugs or alcohol on him. And to make things worse, his girlfriend just dumped him.So, this is our story. We love him with all of our hearts. We believe in unconditional love, but truthfully, his life and everything he touches is chaos. We are exhausted!! When he is in his good mood, he is the most loving, and genuine person that I know. He is sometimes my bestfriend, but usually my worse enemy. He is back on meds( wellbutrin and depoke), but I have not noticed a change this time.Our family is in utter distress! We are so broken hearted. My husband and I are so depressed and our 14 year old daughter has sort of been forgotten because the whole house resolves around him.Please help give us some guidance. What do we do??ThanksThank you all for your kind and helpful remarks. At present time he is still with his friends and I sent him an email telling him to stay there and to get a job. Our family will be going to counseling without him. As a mother, I really need someone who is outside of this situation, to harden my mother heart so that I can make better decisions for the family that is left. We will also be looking for a good church to meet other people and to get a sense of community. Looking back a full year since the last October, my son is still going back to his friends house, still does not have a job and is not going to school. He is exactly in the same place that he was last year, minus his girlfriend. :(



How to help my bipolar son?

For the last five years my family has been in turmoil. My once very honest son became a teenager and he changed dramatically. At about 13, I began to notice that he was withdrawn and moody and never wanted to go out and do anything with his family as he once did. He preferred to stay in his dark room and watch movies or play video games. Then came the lieing. Then came the defiance. By the time he was 16 he was taking our cars without permission, lieing to us and stealing from us. We began family therapy and we took parenting classes. We learned how to deal with him a little but not much. Finally, at age 17, he stole our atm card and took about 500.00 from our account at different transactions. He told us that he was in trouble with his own over drawn bank account, and that he was going to pay us back. (of course, he never has). At that point, we kicked him out of the house. That lasted about one week and our hearts were broken. We made arrangements to talk to him and he agreed to see a psychiatrist. At 18 he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He was put on Lithium, and cymbiax? and he was a pleasure to be with but, one evening, he went out on a crazy manic mode, crashed our truck, and totaled it. He hurt the other people in the accident and it was completely his own fault. We agreed that the medication may have impacted his ability to drive and he stopped the medication. He of course does not want to have this disorder or take medications. He has continued to steal from us. Most recently he took one of our checks, and forged my name to get himself a petty 17.00. He cant hold a job. There is something that always happens at work and he either quits or gets fired. We have paid for him to go to college three times now, and every time he has quit and has lied that he has not quit. I finally looked into his personal college account and saw that he never completed his courses. He has sat in front of us and has lied that he is still going to college, that things are going good for him in school. He takes off on his supposed school days and acts like he is going to college when I know he is not. I finally followed him one day, caught him, and he lied out of it saying that he saw me following him, he got very mad at me, and because of that, he was not going to go to college. Time and time again, he runs away from the home and goes back to stay with some old friends. At this point, he is basically a bum. He does not work, (he says that he just cant find work) and he does not go to school either. He is now 20 years old! As I write this, he has once again left home and is with his friends. I have never seen any signs of drugs or alcohol on him. And to make things worse, his girlfriend just dumped him. So, this is our story. We love him with all of our hearts. We believe in unconditional love, but truthfully, his life and everything he touches is chaos. We are exhausted!! When he is in his good mood, he is the most loving, and genuine person that I know. He is sometimes my bestfriend, but usually my worse enemy. He is back on meds( wellbutrin and depoke), but I have not noticed a change this time. Our family is in utter distress! We are so broken hearted. My husband and I are so depressed and our 14 year old daughter has sort of been forgotten because the whole house resolves around him. Please help give us some guidance. What do we do??Thanks



I am at my wits end with my bipolar son?

long story short, last march I overdosed on Wellbutrin and went through a sort of psychotic episode where I experienced homicidal thoughts and delusions. Prior to this incident, I was smoking marijuana every few weeks and had no bad side effects from doing so. After my overdose, I tried smoking weed again and received side effects much like i had with my overdose, just less severe. These side effects lasted for little over a month every time I smoked weed. Needless to say, I can't smoke weed anymore. I've been looking for an alternative for several months, and today I came across this stuff called K2. a friend of mine told me about it, and she said that it was pretty good for what it was worth. I was interested in buying some off of the internet.What i'm wondering is, does K2 effect the same neurotransmitters in your brain that cannabis does?I don't want to buy K2 if it's going to make me all fucked up (mentally) like weed does.



What are the similarities of k2 and marijuana?

I've just been really really sad lately, ever since school started. I'm a sophmore and I'm really shy and I can't just walk up to someone and be like "Hey! whats your name?" because I just feel dumb and embaressed. I have friends, but for the most part, I don't have any classes with them. All day long in school, I just feel like I'm gonna break out in tears and I hate that feeling. And, I think I might have ADD or ADHD; it runs in my family. So I can't stay focused or pay attention in class, and then this one teacher sorta picks on me and embaresses me about that. All day long, all I look forward to is getting home so I can just cry, sleep, or get high. Those are the only times I feel okay. I sometimes take some of my sister's Wellbutrin, and it helps me feel a little better for a bit. I don't want to go to a counselor, I was forced to last year and it made me more miserable. They gave me Prozac and I wouldn't take it, cause I felt like if I had to rely on medication to feel okay, that I wasn't normal and I wasn't in control of myself. But now all I think about is getting high and feeling good, and I don't care about anything else, like school and grades and even some friends. What is wrong with me and what should I do? :(



Really depressed lately ever since school started?

I've been on Wellbutrin XL 300 mg (anti-depressant) for almost 6 months after suffering chronic depression for 5 years (triggered by the death of my mother and exacerbated by my terrible relationship with my father). The medications used to cause me irritability, anger, and impatience until recently. Friendship 1: This girl has been essentially my best friend throughout college. She has been blunt and rather sarcastic, cynical, and negative in recent times - and I guess my medication made me more irritable and impatient in regards to her attitude. I told her that I really don't appreciate her being so negative and critical of me all the time - in a very nice way. Ironically, she retreated and didn't want to talk much to me. She has not contacted me since and I have been best friends with her for THREE years. Granted, as I was going through my personality changes with my medication, I did keep her at a distance, but that's because she is good with helping out practically, not emotionally. And I didn't feel comfortable. She got kind of hurt about that but understood where I was coming from - but when I told her to stop being so critical of me all the time, she couldn't take that simple line of criticism from me - which makes no sense. She blocked me online.Friendship 2: My friend came in town, and she left her e-mail up on my computer. I happened to see some conversations of her with other people when she was talking crap about me. Yes I shouldn't have continued to pry just based on one thing I saw, but I couldn't help it - I am only human and if I see one bad thing spoken about me in front of me, especially on my computer, I couldn't help but look. I got so enraged at some of the things I found - she called me a ***** to one of her best friends, told the guy she is involved with everything I had told her about my personal life when I don't even like the guy and she knows it, basically did so many things that I couldn't believe and completely undermined our friendship.Well normally I would have gotten angry anyway but I would have discussed it with her as calmly as I could. But I did something so terribly out of character for me that I seriously attributed it to medications. I took all her stuff - suitcases and clothes and all, and threw it out of my apartment building, and locked my apartment and went to sleep. Some friend of hers had to pick her up in the middle of the night. She told me she is never going to trust me again.I know I shouldn't blame medication for my actions, but some of these anti-depressants have a very potent effect on the brain and have even driven some people to commit suicide. But both girls did not understand that one bit. Friend 1 has completely stopped talking to me without explanation, and Friend 2 told me she is never going to trust me again, and has not contacted me since. I don't even feel comfortable contacting her because her responses are very short and aloof, and I believe she has blocked me online too.I don't know what to do - Friend 1, I really don't think I should contact because she doesn't respond to me at all - unless I should explain thoroughly one more time about the medications - and Friend 2, well I feel like I didn't put my flags out enough about the medication either. Neither of these friends are good with emotional issues - and Friend 2 in particular was very all over the place and was often in her own world (even though she didn't need to be like that).Any advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated.Great answers so far... thanks guys, I really appreciate your support.im here - I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. It did cross my mind - it felt like a fog had indeed lifted and I am finally beginning to stand up for myself.Kate - I probably should have clarified that what I did to Friend 2, I DO take responsibility for, I don't blame it completely on the medication. But it was very out of character for me, so the medication was definitely a catalyst. And I made this very clear to her as well.But I do see your point in terms of problems being there before the friendship started. I do admit that with both of these friendships, I was too "sensitive" in their eyes, maybe more sensitive to biting sarcasm and destructive criticism than some people would be. But that's just who I am - and that's largely due to the traumatic changes I have been through.



Side effects of medication caused me to basically lose a friendship?

I need some hope!! I was 'normal' before my 'mental breakdown' or whatever it was. Ive always been an overthinker and a hypochondriac. I'd had a few panic attacks before in my life, but nothing major. Last december, my family and i were set to move to a new city. All was well untill one night, I had a panic attack, I went outside to get some air, thinking it would go away in a few minutes. But it didnt, it lasted all night! Id never experienced anything like it before. The weeks went by and It started happening more and more. Than one day, it happened and didnt end! I was so full of panic and anxiety, I couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt get off the couch. My body was so stiff and tense i was sooo sore. My thoughts were constant and i literally thought i was going crazy. I couldnt be by myself. i felt some sort of depersonalization. I felt weird being me. I couldnt be a mother, a wife. I could barely get myself up to go to the bathroom. I couldnt look at myself in the mirror. Its like I was detached and alone. It was like being scared shitless 24/7. I went to the e.r one night cause i couldnt take it. I hadnt slept in 2 weeks, hadnt ate in 2 weeks. during that time i lost 15 pounds. I looked like some freaky crackhead. I didnt want to do nothing, read, watch tv, listen to music, talk on the phone. nothing. than they started me on meds. well holy eff... goin on different meds, having horrible side effects... migraines, dizzyness, couldnt reach for a cuboard handle i felt like i was so stoned. and on top of that got the most horrible cold ive ever had. I freaked myself out by going on the internet and looking up all these drugs and side effects. ugh...it was a nightmare, hell on earth. than finally the extreme anxiety began to subside, I started taking ativan on a regular basis. but than, the severe depression began. thoughts of suicide, couldnt even look at a knife.... i dont know why. not sure what i was afraid of. nothing made me happy, nothing made me smile. Finally, after monthes things started looking up, but i would have good days and bad days. than i started drinking again. ( i used to be an alchoholic, or should I say..am?) And holy eff did the depression hit hard again. In a new city , no friends, no family, no job because ive been a stay at home mom of my 2 year old. ( i have a 14 year old also) So i quit drinking after a few weeks, and felt much better. But here I am, and im stuck at home daily. samething everyday. wishing i was back home. I dont even enjoy cooking or eating or baking anymore. i used to be the best mom and wife ever. and now, its like im uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel 'weird'. I cant explain it. I always want to be doing something or talking to somebody on the phone. Plus it dosnt help our life situation.... no friends , no social life, no family, no money, Sometimes I feel like we are the most boring family on earth!! So basically, i was wondering if anybodys ever gone through anything the same. And came out of it and felt normal again. I want to wake up each morning with a smile on my face again!! And not think so much. And just live life, instead of always thinking about the anxiety and depression! Sighhhhh... everyday is a struggle. everyday seems to go on forever. I cannot do this forever. If it wasnt for my kids, i would be dead by now. But if my life is gonna be like this forever... i will not be able to go on.. .no matter what. Has anybody gone through this and gotten back to normal and happy??! I have everything to be thankful for, and im always grateful. I always try to stay positive. But its hard. Anybody?? Im on paxil and wellbutrin, plus ativan 3 1mgs a day. and zopiclone. I have even gotten to the point of taking a sleeping pill in the afternoon cause im so bored, i just want to sleep it away. i feel like im defenently getting better, but not good enough yet. some help??